Struggle Struggle Struggle…
Struggle is the one thing I seem to be good at lately.
Last weekend my soon to be bride friend asked if I tried on my new smaller dress when I ordered it.
While she was probably just making conversation, my mind immediately jumped to “OMG she can tell that I’ve gained 5 pounds and thinks I’ll be too fat to fit in my dress thus ruining her wedding.”
Now I know that these are my thoughts that I am projecting onto her. And I know that 3-5 pounds won’t really keep me from fitting into a dress. I think it’s more the fact that although it’s only 3-5 pounds, my inactivity and general malaise makes me feel like it’s 20 pounds.
And the way to solve this: get moving. It’s that simple. But for some reason I just can’t do it.
It’s super hot and muggy in MA today and I’m house sitting for my parents and the dog so I’m far away from my gym and I’m out of my environment and they have lots of bad food and I haven’t been sleeping well…but I know these are excuses.
I’ve been in such a funk. I was so excited for summer. I have so many things I want to do. But I am super broke…with no teaching job for the fall. I’m feeling hopeless about work. I have so many things I want to do. But no one to do them with. I’m feeling super lonely.
I can read books and watch tv to distract myself. But that is not living. That is passing the time. I hate the idea of looking back and realizing how much time I wasted unhappy. But I can’t seem to change my fate.
Someone kick me in the face please. Or call me at 6 am to go running tomorrow morning. Or come to Massachusetts and be my friend and running buddy.
Edit: Headed to Maine to beat the heat/try to figure some things out. Maine is magic to me.