Honestly Amy

• Running is hard.
• I need to want it enough to tough it out.
• I feel good when I eat well.
• I feel icky when I eat badly.
• Sometimes I love food more than I love myself.
• I must carve out time to exercise.
• When I don’t exercise I find it harder to eat well. 
• Lazy body = poor food decisions.
• I still have lots to learn.

I am not Catholic or religious but back in the day I gave up chocolate for Lent and it was difficult. I was studying abroad and traveling through Spain and Italy but it was one of the few times I had fully committed to anything and saw it through. We’re talking ordering hot chocolate on autopilot then giving it away instead of drinking it. We’re talking putting down the fork when I realized homemade Italian tiramisu had chocolate on top.

So I’ve been thinking about what I could do for Lent, again not for religious reasons but because it is a predetermined amount of time where others are making commitments. Rather than giving something up, I am going to focus on adding something. I am going to write down everything I eat. Everything.

Here’s to Day 1.

Yesterday: 247.5

Today: 245.7!

Finally moving in the right direction. In December, I got down to 243 and have been stuck in the high 240’s since then. I made a goal with a time deadline to hit 242 by February 29th. In March, I will hit my 10% (239) and bust out of the 230’s forever. 

Yesterday I did some a run/walk workout at the track. I tracked all my food and even made good choices at grilled pizza night. I made a small, super thin crust pizza with chicken and pineapple and 1/2 of cheese. I also asked for a grilled zucchini on the side and only ate half of the pizza. Good choices FTW!

Let’s make this a habit!

The drama with the friend is still happening. I was honest, said my peace, and apologized. I still don’t think I did anything wrong but her reaction would suggest otherwise. For now, I believe in myself and wait. If something this stupid is going to ruin a friendship, it wasn’t a very strong friendship to begin with.

I spent the last two days eating crap because I felt like crap. But I’m ready to feel better. I’m ready to eat better. I’m ready to do better.

I went to Barnes and Noble last night and had a tall, non-fat, no whip hot chocolate while I mulled through some books. I passed up the pretzel and the cupcake. Baby steps right? I flipped through several books, trying to find one that might address my out of control eating and settled on this: 

I’m hoping to really take some time this vacation and so some soul searching. This morning I had a homemade egg and cheese on a whole wheat english muffin then went down to the local track. It is sunny and 45 degrees in MA in February! I left my watch at home and just tried to get back into the idea of running/walking.

I walked 3/4 lap and ran 1/4 lap and felt like death. My breathing was okay but my feet hurt like crazy. I may need new sneakers (again?) because it felt like my feet were being flattened every time I took a step. I walked for 3 laps (3/4 mile) and convinced myself to run again. I completed the second mile with 4 laps of walk 3/4 lap, run 1/4 lap. After my last running section I was planning on walking 1 more lap just to unwind but I felt like I was going to throw up. I had side stitches and my feet were killing me. So I went home to shower and hydrate.

I hope the weather stays nice because I can’t wait to go back! I want to be a runner…even though it is going to hurt.

I feel like I say this once a week. Finally hit the gym again today and got my sweat on. Ate okay today which is better than the terrible eating I’ve done for the past few days (PMS…TMI?). 

Listened to an audio book at the gym today. Don’t know how I feel about it. It was HP1 which I’ve read multiple times so it helped that I knew the story and could kind of zone out. I think I prefer music though…

I think as the weather gets nicer I will be more inclined to do more outside workouts which makes me happy. I did do a few running jogging intervals today on the treadmill. Let’s do this.

…Which of course means that healthy eating and exercising have been on the back burner. 

I had a crazy week. Like way crazier than usual.

• Like water pouring from my bathroom ceiling in the middle of the night.
• Like hanging out with my landlord from 3:30 to 6:00 am.
• Like a second leak and having my bathroom ceiling ripped out.
• Like mourning the loss of the rings I’ve worn for 10 years at the gym.
• Like a hearing to resolve an unemployment issue from last year.
• Like finding my rings at the gym two days later.
• Like taking two days off of work to deal with all of this.

Through all of that and a 3 day birthday weekend I only gained 0.2 at WW. But since my weigh in on Thursday I’ve eaten poorly badly. And somehow I’ve lost weight. I just don’t know how my body works!

I want to eat better. I don’t feel good when I eat badly. I don’t feel healthy when I eat badly. I don’t like how I look. I don’t like that I gave up on running before I ever truly started.

And I know that it is up to me to make a change. But I just can’t seem to break up with food. I have such a messed up relationship with food. And I don’t want to have any relationship with food. I just want it to be fuel. Not comfort, not love…just fuel.

But how?

• Birthday weekend is over. I ate. I drank. I gained one pound. I had fun.

• Today I went to the gym. 

1 mile elliptical.

arms and legs.

8 miles stationary bike.

• I’m back on track. Now must work on the eating. 

• My 21 days of exercise has come to an end. My streak was broken up by birthday weekend but overall, I think it was successful. Some days I found myself forcing exercise and it was kind of miserable. Some day my body needed a break. But I’ve started craving exercise again. When I’m tired after school I head to the gym for energy. When I’m anxious I head to the gym for stress relief.

• I can’t wait for spring to come so daily outdoor fitness can resume.

So.

Tomorrow is my birthday.

And I am turning…

I know. I can’t believe it either!

So I am going to be absent from the healthy eating, the exercising, and the Tumblr.

But I promise:

• To have fun.
• To drink lots of water.
• To do my Fab Ab Feb planks.
• To get back on track come Monday. 

Happy Weekend! And because I’m sharing my 30th birthday weekend with the Superbowl, I think the Pats deserve to win.

…What I just did!

A 20 second plank! Before you start judging me and laughing at me, please understand that I am near the beginning of my fitness journey and a mere two days ago, I doubted if I could do a 10 second plank. 

Also done: 6 knee push ups and 20 sit ups crunches.

First day of Fab Ab Feb done…if by done you mean 4 knee pushups, 10 crunches (because I don’t think my body does sit ups) and 10 seconds of pure hell plank. I seriously don’t know if I can plank for 15 seconds. I may have to do it in pieces or amend the challenge to my fitness level. 

But I did what I could do and that makes me happy.

Oh…I also biked 12 miles today. Yes twelve. I had 57 pages of a book that I wanted to finish and I had a workout to complete. So…I killed two birds with one stone.*

12 miles.

57 pages.

56 minutes.

Boom.

*No birds were harmed.