Honestly Amy

A lame attempt at level 1 of 30 Day Shred. It kicked my ass like always. Someday I will master that.

Two weeks done. One to go. My body is screaming for a rest day but my mind is saying no.

Starting Fab Ab February tomorrow. My mind is all, “Amy…we don’t plank” but I’m going do my best.

2 cupcakes eaten. (Work BFF birthday.)

75 oz of water drank? dranken? drunk? drunken?

25 minutes stepped.

1 WW meeting skipped. (Will go Thursday.)

Hit my 50 miles in January goal today! Currently sitting at 51 miles of fitness.

Today:

.5 miles incline walk on treadmill

2 miles elliptical

5.5 miles stationary bike

Still need to learn about strength training!

Woke up to 243.8 today. That is the lowest weight I’ve seen in I don’t know how long. Back before I relinquished control over my eating, I weighed 243.9 on December 26, 2011. It took me an entire month to get back there. But now I’m ready to hit my ten percent goal (239 lbs.) and keep edging my way towards 199.

Activity: 30 minutes of step aerobics.

Eating: Sub-par but not terrible.

Yesterday’s activity was abysmal. I was out of the house from 8 am until 8:30 pm and when I got home I was ready to crash. I managed a mere 10 minutes of step aerobics and called it quits. I was exhausted and my legs were dead.

So while yesterday technically counts as having done some activity, I made up for it today at the gym.

Elliptical: 1 mile in 11 minutes.

Treadmill: 1/2 mile @ incline 7…uphill FTW.

Arms and Legs <—Must learn how to properly strength train at some point.

Stationary Bike: 3.5 miles.

Let’s be frank:

• I poorly managed my afternoon and didn’t make it to the gym.
• I wasn’t going to do any activity today.
• But then I thought about having to confess to skipping a day.
• A mere day after I promised that I was going to do 21 days of exercise straight.
• So I bucked up and did 25 minutes of very low key step aerobics.

Day 8 in the books.

• in a week.
• of straight exercise.

Did 1/2 hour of step aerobics in the casa tonight. My mind REALLY wanted to hit up the gym for an hour of sweat but my body was all, “hey Amy, what’s with all the exercise?” I want to do am going to do 21 days of exercise without a rest day but I understand that my body might need some rest. On the days that I am feeling overworked, a flat, slow walk will still count as activity.

Today at work, there was a disagreement about this whole 21 days to a new habit thing. One work BFF maintained that it takes 28 days to make something a habit and the other work BFF claimed it was 30! But when I Googled it tonight, it was suggested that it took 66 days to firmly create a new habit, that some people might be habit-resistant, and that missing a single day does not reduce the chance of forming a habit.

Also, my IRL BFF (that’s in real life best friend forever) just got engaged and is quickly planning her wedding for this summer. I want to rock a dress so I need to focus on dropping major pounds and firming up my arms fast.  Any suggestions?

I can’t believe I’ve done 6 days of exercise in a row! I am so proud of me!

Today:

• I weighed in at 248.0 at Weight Watchers. Down 2.6 since THURSDAY! (Had to weight in on Thursday last week b/c last Monday I was still having a pity party for myself.)
• I ate well.
• I went to the gym for the second day in a row. Did some leg exercises, 2 miles on the elliptical and 5 miles on the bike.
• My toes fell asleep while I was on the bike. Is this a bad thing?

Sunday usually consists of sleeping in, laying on the couch and logging lots of tv time. But today I woke up early (for a weekend), went to a movie, had lunch with a friend, visited with my parents AND went to the gym!

I saw Beauty and the Beast in 3D. It was my first 3D movie experience and though it took some getting used to, I loved it! 

I ate out two times this weekend and didn’t necessarily make the best choices but I made up for my food indiscretions with 3 miles on the bike, 1 mile on the treadmill (with some jogging), 1 mile on the elliptical, and an arm workout. 

Day 5 of 21…done!

I’m excited to finally be back on track and to start losing weight again at Weight Watchers tomorrow.

I have 2 posts coming soon, once I have some time to get my thoughts together. I hope you all had a great weekend!

Day 1: 250.3

Day 2: 248.6

Day 3: 248.5

Day 4: 245.1!!!!

WHAT?!? No complaints but I had to weigh myself three times this morning to make sure my scale wasn’t broken. I guess 3 days of exercise and good eating after two weeks of junk really helps make a difference. Also, I’m sure period weight has something to do with it.

Snowed in today. The plan was 30 Day Shred…which still may happen. But I did do 30 minutes of step aerobics. And I have to say, a week ago, I couldn’t do 30 minutes straight. Today I did 30 minutes while watching Netflix and the time passed so quickly.

Day One weight: 250.3

Today’s weight: 248.5

Total Loss: 1.8

Ate pretty well today. Enjoyed a nonfat, no whip hot chocolate with a friend after work. Came home, ate dinner and did another 1/2 hour of step aerobics tonight.

I’m hoping to hit the gym tomorrow but it’s supposed to snow, snow, snow…so we’ll see. If it doesn’t happen, the 30 Day Shred will happen. Level One obviously.

Which means today was Day 2.

Yesterday, I carved out time before a dinner with friends to go to the gym.

Today, I waited until after dinner…but I did it. I stepped for 1/2 hour.

Yesterday, I ate half a flatbread pizza for dinner (v. thin, probably like 2-3 regular slices).

Today, I made stir fry with LOTS of veggies…AND I put the leftovers in the fridge for tomorrow instead of finishing them tonight.

Yesterday, I weighed 250.3 in the morning in my underwear.

Today, I weighed 250.6 at night time wearing clothes (248.6 in the morning).

Yesterday was Day 1.

Today was Day 2.

I know this is a place that I created to be totally honest with myself but I just can’t. I don’t even want to see the words in print. But I will tell you this:

• The last two weeks I’ve been hibernating. And by that I mean EATING ALL THE THINGS and skipping anything fitness related.
• I can’t pinpoint what my problem is. I was psyched to begin the new year and change my life for the better.
• But just because it is a new year doesn’t mean I am a new person.
• And once you get out of a routine, it is so hard to start doing something…anything again.
• But I bought some wonderfully colorful and healthy groceries this week.
• And I ACTUALLY WENT to the gym today. 
• I did 2 miles on the elliptical, 4 miles on the bike, and some leg machines.
• I will conquer the arms tomorrow (or Friday).
• The first workout after a hiatus is always tough. I want to go, go, go like I did 5 weeks ago.
• But you (and by you I mean me) can lose a lot of fitness in 5 weeks.
• I still want to be a runner, but I’m not sure if my body is ready.
• I want will run the Fourth of July road race in my town. It is 2.1 miles which means I need to be able to run a mile without stopping by March. I’m (somewhat) confident that I can still make this happen.
• My BFF just got engaged and now I feel added pressure to lose all the pounds.
• I’m going to try the 21 days to a new habit thing. I am going to do some form of activity/exercise EVERY day for 21 days.
• Today is day one.

I started off last week tracking and eating well and then things began to unravel. Then they fell apart completely. This weekend I pulled into myself…sought comfort in food…numbness in television. Today was rough, coming off last night’s DislikeFest. But I’m finally feeling a bit better even though I didn’t eat wonderfully today, I skipped the gym in favor of grocery shopping and I gained 1.2 pounds at Weight Watchers.  

But I’m not ready to give up.  

• I’m ready to rally.  
• I’m ready to accept that not every day is going to be perfect or inspiring or even good.  
• I’m ready to accept that losing weight is hard.
• I’m ready to accept that learning to love yourself is even harder.
• I’m (almost) ready to accept that a bum ankle will not keep me from being a runner.

So here’s to a better tomorrow.

I can’t sleep and my mind is racing with all the negative thoughts and I can’t turn it off.

• I was so anti social this weekend.
• I’m pissed that my ankle is bothering me and I’m feeling like I’ll never be a runner.
• I’m anxious out about turning 30 in less than a month.
• I wish that I tried to change my life sooner.
• I logged so many couch hours in the last two days.
• I’m stressed that I won’t enjoy my birthday because I’ll feel bad about myself.
• I ate all the bad things this weekend and I just can’t seem to stop.
• I’m worried that I’m never going to find a “real” teaching job.
• I’m scared that I am going to be fat forever.
• I’m afraid I’m going to be alone forever.
• I’m going to maintain or gain at Weight Watchers tomorrow.  (Last week I gained 3.4!)

I hate that my number one focus is losing weight and getting fit but I can’t seem to do anything but fail at it.

Arg!

I need to learn to love myself. <—-Obviously.

Today I hit the gym hard to make up for yesterday’s laziness and gluttony. I worked my arms and legs and did 45 minutes of cardio: 

1.5 miles on the elliptical

0.5 incline miles on the treadmill

3.0 miles on the stationary bike

I was going to start my second week of running today but my ankle has been super sore since Friday’s run in the sand at the dirt/gravel track.

Once upon a time (back in college) I stepped off a curb the wrong way and tore/pulled my left ankle ligament pretty badly.  It bruised from my pinky toe half way to my knee. Later that summer, I turned the same ankle and ended up in the emergency room for x-rays. No break, just a really bad sprain.  My ankle hasn’t been the same since.  I continually turn it if I step wrong.  (This is a HUGE fear I have about running on the treadmill…that my ankle will turn and I will fall and shoot off the back of the machine.)

I ran for 1 minute today during my short incline walk but decided not to push it.  As much as I want to be a runner, I am going to have to focus on cross training for a few more days.

Yesterday I ate all the things.  Seriously…all of them.  It was like I couldn’t physically get enough food in my mouth.  It wasn’t a binge per say, just lots and lots of (crappy) food.

9:00 am - 2 string cheese, 2 granola bars

11:00 am - lean cuisine, chicken burger, pita pocket

12:30 pm - bowl of cereal, string cheese, granola bar

6:30 pm - chocolate covered pretzels

8:00 pm - pizza by the slice (1 slice)

9:45 pm - brownie bowl

* I realize I should stop buying granola bars because I nom nom them like the world is coming to an end.

Somehow…by some magic force, I actually woke up this morning weighing less than yesterday.  Yeah, I don’t know.  

I also spent the whole day watching tv and avoiding the gym.  I think I just needed a day to chill out.  Feeling much better today…thank goodness!

Even though I had dinner plans last night, I managed to fit in a quick 1.5 miles at the track.  It was dark by the time I was finished but I got to run/walk to the most beautiful sunset I’ve seen in a long time.

The track I chose was dirt and gravel which sucked because after the freezing and thaw we had this week, it was like running in sand.  <—-Not fun.

But I’ve completed my first week of my run/walk program and  I’m feeling good about it. My Wednesday workout made it clear that running on the treadmill is easier but sucks more. Easier because you don’t really have to propel yourself forward you just have to lift up your feet. Suckier because being outside is so much better and because running in a completely straight line is apparently not my forte!

Walked 3/4 lap, ran 1/4 lap. Repeat x4.  Walked 1/2 mile.

Next week I’m supposed to step it up to running 1/2 a lap.  I don’t know if this is going to be possible but I’m going to try.

I’ve eaten within my points every day this week and I’ve hit the gym twice and I’ve GAINED 2 pounds.

WTF?

I’m hoping it is either residual weight gain from last week’s crazy eating or water weight…because other wise I don’t know what I’m doing.

MWF+one weekend day workouts resumed today!  I told myself over and over today that I was going to the gym.  It was super cold and a 2 week hiatus from the gym made it difficult to find the motivation but I told myself that even though I didn’t want to go, I was going anyways.  I would do my second “Amy Pretends She’s A Runner” 1 mile walk/run then I could leave.

The schedule was for 1/4 running, 3/4 lap walking.  Repeat x4.  A quarter of a track lap is .0625 miles which doesn’t translate well to the treadmill so I did walk for .2 miles, run for .1 miles. Repeat x4.

I did the walk/run thing for a mile then walked another half mile.  Then I did 3.77 miles (15 minutes) on the bike. Not too bad for my first day back at the gym.

HonestlyAmy is a place to be honest…with the good AND the bad.

Today:

• Was the first day back at work after winter break.
• I was exhausted.
• Eating was good through dinner.  
• I drank all the water.
• I bought some healthy groceries.
• I bought some packaged processed crap.
• I ate 3 packages of Snackwell’s 100 calorie packs after dinner.  Arg!
• I skipped my 2nd day of running b/c it was sooo cold in MA today.

I feel ridiculous posting this because HELLO it is Day 3 of the New Year and I made some grand promises that I already have compromised.

But tomorrow is a new day.  I need to accept that I will stumble but that is no reason to give up or get defeated.  Now that vacation is over and I am back to a day to day routine, No Excuses Gym Days will resume tomorrow.  Monday, Wednesday, Friday and one weekend day…no excuses.

First “official” weigh in of the year:

248.4

I almost skipped Weight Watchers this morning because I knew that I was going to be up. But I decided that I wasn’t going to start the year in shame.  I was going to own my mistakes and kick off the New Year being honest with myself.

I gained 3.4 pounds in the last seven days.  That is a lot but frankly I thought it might be more.  After showing remarkable restraint through Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, I spent the last week of 2011 totally out of control. I think I had the mentality that because I was going to recommit after the New Year what was the harm?  

The harm turned out to be: feeling gross on New Year’s Day during my first workout of the year and gaining 3.4 pounds in a week.  

But I have big plans for myself in the New Year and I’m ready to face it head on.

1.5 miles at the local track.

Ran for 1/4 of a lap then walked for 3/4 of a lap.  Repeat x4.  Walked an extra half mile.

My plan is to do this track workout 3 times this week then step it up to 1/2 lap running intervals next week.  Baby steps.

Last night I wrote myself a letter to be opened next New Year’s Eve.  This is part of it:

Dear Amy,

…Coming off your bout of unemployment you weighed 272 pounds.  Actually the highest weight you saw on the scale was 276 pounds.  You were so self conscious about your weight and the way you looked that it affected your ability to enjoy your trip to the Midwest.  

…In November, you started HonestlyAmy.tumblr.com to document your weight loss effort.  As of New Year’s Eve you weigh 248 pounds.  You lost 24 pounds this year. It’s a good start.

…Amy, you have big plans for 2012!

• You will lose at least 50 pounds.
• You will become a runner.
• You will climb Mt. Monadnock.
• You will feel good about yourself.
• You will be able to cross your legs.
• You will run the 4th of July road race.
• You will rock a dress.
• You will be healthy.
• You will be amazing.

In 2012 you are going to change your life!